TW Viewpoint | What Is Sologomy?

September 20, 2017 | Jonathan Riley

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Have you ever looked in the mirror and considered proposing to yourself? Let's get serious and talk about Sologomy!

Ok, so marriage comes in many different flavours. You have monogamy, polygamy, plural marriage, common-law, civil unions, religious weddings, child betrothal, marriages of convenience, same-sex marriages, temporary marriages and now we can add to this list, Sologomy.

Sologomy, or self-marriage, is a relatively new commitment that can be officiated between yourself and yourself. It seems to be almost exclusively women from failed relationships who are taking the next step by marrying themselves.

You can have the traditional wedding, with cake, guests, vows to yourself and solo photoshoot. It is quickly becoming a new industry as wedding planners, venues and savvy entrepreneurs seek to capitalize on one person's declared self-love.

While you may think this a harmless excuse for a party, consider the emotional instability of someone who goes as far to marry themselves. One such example is that of Charlotte. Charlotte conducted her own ceremony in which she described her past failed relationships and how deceit, betrayal and lies from those relationships had resulted in the person she was today. Sadly, she only had herself to rely on.

When describing Sologomy Charlotte said, "The core of self-marriage is to call back all parts of one's being to yourself, to reintegrate each and every part of one's being and self-love and the inner wisdom to choose a life of love, emotional and spiritual fulfillment."

After speaking her vows to herself she placed her wedding ring on her finger and the guests applauded. Afterwards they went outside to release black balloons that symbolised the betrayal and lies of past relationships. This event, in particular, clearly became a symbolic divorce from men, rather than its warped declaration of self-love. (YouTube channel: Charlotte Miller)

Another, more recent example was that of Erica Anderson from Brooklyn, New York. When asked to describe self-marriage she replied "I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves." When pressed to explain further she said "It means that we are enough even if we are not partnered with someone else." ( Erica admits that she is open to prospect of traditional marriage but felt oppressed by the constant barrage from friends and family, enquiring when she will eventually marry someone.

A friend of mine made the following statement on the examples of Sologomy I have mentioned, she said "it seems that most of these women are tired of feeling rejected by society because they are single." She went on to say that she felt inclined "…to declare to myself that I was "okay" and happy single because it was better than feeling rejected and not good enough… I was looking at marriage as a way of fulfilling my need to feel wanted and to boost my self-esteem. I was looking to "get" marriage rather than "give" marriage."

So what should marriage really be about? Is making a vow to say "yes" to yourself, as Erica put it, really a valid use of the institution of marriage? Should marriage just be about satisfying yourself and fulfilling your own needs? Wouldn't you agree that relationships would likely be far more successful if we approached them from the perspective of what can we provide, or give to the other person?

This empty charade of Sologomy, like any other new flavour of "marriage", is never going to result in the peace and fulfilment that people like Charlotte and Erica seem to be seeking. Challenging traditional marriage has become a symbol of a greater fight against an established morality, but will we really be better off once we shed such morals?

What do you think?

A. Should marriage be interpreted however we choose?


B. Should we have rules governing the institution of marriage?

Tell me what you think in the comments on our YouTube channel.

I am Jonathan Riley for Tomorrow's World Viewpoint.

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